Round 1 is officially done. Last night we kept Cougar Man, aka Carter, and after we had seen everyone off it was just the boys and I at the hotel for the last night. It was fun to have Carter, but the striking difference between his energy, health, and vitality compared to Jackson's hurt my heart a little. Cougar was more like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. Bounces instead of walks. He wanted to swim again, Jackson was done in from sitting up all through dinner so he stayed in bed. Then he wanted to "explore" the hotel, so we walked around while he told me he sometimes pretends to be a spy that is pretending to be a normal first grade boy--did ya get that!? Then we went back to the room and he got his jammies on. After watching cartoons he could sit still no longer so the two of us put our shoes and jackets back on, borrowed humongous umbrellas from the hotel and went out into the rainy night to walk the two blocks to McDonald's. It was so fun for Carter, in his batman jammies to be walking the streets of Seattle in the dark (7:30!) and rain. He hopped, jumped in puddles, used the umbrella like a sword, gun and shield and all of that was done before we walked one block (not even kidding a little bit!). Watching him bursting with energy made me teary for the sedate, suffering Jackson we had left behind again--he just wanted to be in bed for the night. I am obviously feeling a little raw and rebellious that Jax has to do this AGAIN. I keep trying to check my resentfulness and remind myself that one who knows better than I is making Jackson "MORE" through all these trials. He is making our family "MORE" and I know it is true. I may have to chant it to myself for many a day, but I know it's true.
At Chemo this morning. The hospital is quiet and dark in places on Saturdays. It was killing Carter that the sibling playroom wasn't open, plus his mean Mom wouldn't let him wander to dark empty waiting areas to play the wii stations alone--she can be such a buzz kill.
When I got home I discoverd Jupiter was doing her thing in Royal City too--problem was no one had swept the kitchen/dining room since I left and I needed that broom!
3 comments:
I'm feeling raw and rebellious for you too. Not to mention teary eyed, plenty of those to go around. What an incredibly hard way to become 'more'. Good thing He is all knowing. Always lots of prayers. Love you!!
Sending a megaload of love and prayers to follow you around from place to place up there.
Raw and rebellious is totally understandable, then I remember how we felt in July of 2009 when we first heard the term ND CNS LCH-terrified beyond belief. Its still scary and disheartening to realize he has to do this all over again, but I'm so grateful we have the option. I have total faith that your little family will, and is, becoming "MORE", just wish it wasn't so painful.
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